Category: Effective Parenting
When we are confronted with child behavior problems, we sometimes have to make a choice. We can either hope or pray that it is a phase or we can make sure that mechanisms are in place to deal with the problem promptly before it gets out of hand. Obviously, I favor the latter.
Many child behavior problems are left unchecked because the parents have lost interest or are simply unaware of the real extent of the problem.
Somebody once remarked that these kids were bad enough but that their terrible parents were even worse!
The question of underage consumption of alcohol worries many parents in the UK and elsewhere. The UK’s chief medical officer, Sir Liam Donaldson, has warned that children under the age of fifteen should never be given alcoholic beverages, even at home under supervision. Binge drinking and liver disease are becoming urgent medical problems and have to be faced.
As alcohol is so freely available many parents worry that by creating a mystery or ban only leads to experimentation. Often the results are disastrous as is witnessed by many parents who dread being called by their local hospital to say that their teen has had to have his stomach pumped after drinking four litres of cider!
We know that saying that no alcohol should be given to kids at home under fifteen is fine and dandy. But outside the home, boys as young as eleven years old are actually experimenting with alcohol and girls start when they are thirteen.
But getting to grips with child behavior problems starts early on when you begin to instill in the child certain values, ways of behaving and how to deal with life in general. If you have been active and effective from the beginning, then your child will be much better equipped to make certain decisions and also to be aware of any consequences of his or her actions. The problem is that peer group pressure may well swamp what you have taught them. That is the reality and has to be faced.
But to be an effective parent, you have to impose limits and establish very clearly that no drugs, no alcohol and that they have to be back home by a certain time, a sort of curfew. You also have to impose limits about not skipping school and homework. Some parents draw up a verbal or even written contract with their teens. Obviously any breach of the rules has consequences such as confiscation of car keys and so on.
Insisting on knowing where your child is, who he or she is hanging out with, what time they will be at home and how they are getting home are all questions you have every right to ask until they come of age. After all, effective parenting means taking responsibility. If the kids learn that responsibility is also their duty, then you have won half the battle.
Learning about child behavior problems and how to deal with them in a step by step way and knowing exactly what to do when all these situations rear their ugly heads is easy once you start applying the strategies in a good child behavior modification course. I know an excellent and highly respected one which I have detailed below. Why not check it out? This could make your life a lot easier.
Tearing your hair out because of outbursts, defiant and aggressive behavior?
Experts now tell us that child behavior modification or simply learning strategies for effective parenting is the best possible way to deal with child behavior problems. Robert Locke has written extensively on parenting and behavior issues for many years.
Visit http://www.child-behavior-home.com for more child behavior help.
Question by JayDNash: My best friend is a new parent but I want to report her because im disappointed in her parenting.?
We’ve been “BFFs” for years and Ive known her since I was 12, she is 19, i am 22, i am on my second son with my wife and they are a blessing but I would never ask her to babysit them. She leaves her daughter with her husband every thursday til Monday, and parties every night, drunk dialing, promiscuous sex with multiple people, fights ETC. She has had 4 abortions since age 14. She has no desire to be with her husband or daughter but she says she’ll get less cash aid if they get divorced. Her drinking is getting bad, shes doing cocaine and weed and her little girl is 9 months right now and when she has her, she will leave her with who ever will watch her. Ive tried talking to her but it leads to the “dont tell me how to parent” fight, ive anonymously talked to child services they want her info. Her mother was like this for her entire life and she did not have a good life growing up, will she be the typical “bad” mom, with her daughter being the victim?
I believe this is a lose-lose, I loose my best friend, her ex becomes a single father full time. and a little girl growing up without a mother. all while losing my best friend in the world.
The answer to this is easy or hard but it is beginning to affect my daily mood, I do care for her alot, but should I mind my own business, lose 2 of my friends and a adorable little girl, my 11 month old son has known his whole life????
Please no profane answers, and any links to .gov or California agencies would be greatly appreaciated.
Rock and a Hard place, I feel so bad sitting back doing nothing effective, but I also feel nosey?
Thank You’s in advance
Thank You all for helping me decide. Its not about “ME” and “MY” friends.
Lizz im sorry about your expeirience with your mom and sister.
I said this Q is either easy or hard but She was there when I hit rock bottom and rock bottom is a bad place and the people she’s around dont care about her, if I do this the father who is a great father I might add is legally linked to her will me doing this affect him, because he agreed to stay married but both of them stay singlenfor more cashaid? I dont want him to loose her shes all he has left. Thank You.
“The child DOES NOT have a voice” I should be it, if no one else will.
Thank You all I will leave this Q open and pick a best after more people read about this iin case there in a similar situation. Please could someone provide me with a link to the right site for California-San Bernardino. Every link I seem to find doesnt apply to this.
Again Thank You all
Answer by 2275c
that’s your bf?? damn.
yes, call cps on her. you tried talking to her. her child doesn’t have a voice.
What do you think? Answer below!
Parents complain all the time that their kids do not show them any respect. They interpret any misbehavior as a personal affront and they tell the kids so. They tend to take it all personally and think that their disrespectful kids are doing it deliberately.
The very fact that they have disobeyed is taken as sign of disrespect but parents do not have to take these things so personally.
After all, the child is disobeying for other reasons and if he breaks a curfew, he is doing it to have a good time. The idea of showing any disrespect towards his parents hardly crosses his mind.
So, we need to focus on the behavior or misbehavior and not on feelings and emotions. We should be thinking about the ground rules that we have laid down. Is there something terribly wrong with them? For example, if we tend to be very strict parents, then this is likely to backfire.
The teenager reacts to the over controlled regime and wants more independence.
The other scenario is where there is a very loose structure and there are very few limits or boundaries set down. That means there is no way that the kid will learn how to behave or even tell the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Rules about personal safety may not have been set down and that is liable to lead to all sorts of problems later on.
So, how do we deal with disrespectful kids? These scenarios are where the kid is being deliberately rude, offensive and showing a lack of respect towards parents and siblings.
The boundaries have to be set. You decide that insults and name calling are unacceptable. You have to lay down this down and explain why and also the consequences if this should occur.
Then you have to be as consistent as possible and really put this into action. You also need the agreement of your spouse or partner to avoid any situations where good cop and bad cop parenting might flourish. This would inevitably mean that the child will manipulate the parent who is less strict.
They say that praise is five times more effective that criticism and it certainly can reinforce good and acceptable behavior. Giving a child a choice is also useful because it encourages the idea of taking responsibility and also the fact that the parent does not have to decide every little thing.
If you feel that disrespectful kids are a real problem in your household, why not get some advice from the experts?. The following program will teach you a lot of strategies to earn more respect and obedience from your kids. The program was written by one of America’s most respected behavior therapists and he himself ran away from home as a young kid. Learn how he controlled his own kids.
Tearing your hair out because of outbursts, defiant and aggressive behavior? Experts now tell us that child behavior modification or simply learning strategies for effective parenting is the best possible way to deal with disrespectful kids. Robert Locke has written extensively on parenting and behavior issues for many years.
Visit http://www.child-behavior-home.com for more child behavior help
Question by Tammy T: How do you get someone to grow up?
My fiance left his ex 3 yrs ago and after a long ordeal with her trashing us on myspace then attacking us on facebook, we thought we were free from her childish antics, but it turns out we are not. She seems to have a lot of time on her hands, even with 5 kids, as she continues to find ways to harass us. This is an adult, in her 30’s, and I am rather concerned for her mental health in that if she still has time to start trouble, and hold onto to something she will never again have, how can she become an effective “parent” to her children? I sure wish I knew how to encourage her to simply grow up and move on.
I have since closed my myspace account and I thought I blocked her from everything else however this forum is where she chooses to find and harass me no matter how many times I block her she changes her name, sometimes using mine to get to me.
Answer by Jai
inform her family.
Give your answer to this question below!
Drug companies are required by law to report the side effects of ADHD medications, but if you haven’t taken the time to read through this list and carefully consider the long term implications, set aside a few moments to read this article. In it, you’ll gain some insight into these drugs, so you can make the best treatment choice for your child.
ADHD Medication: Side Effects
It doesn’t matter which drug your child is taking for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, they all have side effects.
Let’s take the side effects that are listed most often among all the available medications-loss of appetite and loss of sleep-and consider their long term implications. You don’t have to think about this for too long to grasp that food and sleep are essential for healthy development. A child who doesn’t get enough food and sleep may permanently stunt their growth. Since kids who have ADHD are viewed as lagging behind normal kids, these side effects can add to this perception.
Other side effects of ADHD medications may include agitation and restlessness which are two symptoms of the disorder! What this means is that the drug worsens these two symptoms.
Other symptoms are more troubling: heart problems, psychosis, suicidal ideation and even death. It doesn’t seem to matter which ADHD medication you’re looking at-stimulant or non-stimulant-they’re all drugs and all drugs have side effects. Some kids are just more sensitive to certain drugs than others.
So what is the alternative to living in fear of these ADHD medication side effects? A viable alternative is homeopathic remedies. These remedies are formulated with herbs that are made into a tonic and are clinically proven to reduce symptoms like hyperactivity, fidgeting, anxiety and outbursts, while improving concentration and the ability to complete the task at hand. The remedy works by supplying the brain with the nutrition it needs to function properly and can restore function with continued use over time.
Best of all, homeopathic remedies have no short or long term side effects and will not interact negatively with any other medication your child might be taking. This means that a homeopathic remedy can be used even while you are weaning your child off dangerous ADHD drugs. Side effects of ADHD medications are no longer an issue with homeopathic remedies.
The best quality remedies are formulated by pharmacist and FDA-approved. It’s comforting to know that you can diminish the symptoms and stigma of ADHD with a natural substance and no longer have to be concerned about ADHD medication side effects. This take a lot of worry out of the equation when raising a child with ADHD, so parents can focus on helping their child overcome this disorder and lead a happy, normal life.
Laura Ramirez is a passionate researcher of natural remedies for ADHD and other health issues. Read more about her research by going to http://www.treating-adhd-naturally.com
Question by itsmeouthere_ga: I need ideas for effective punishment for my second grade students. discipline not working no parents involved
I have several student who are spoiled at home and some not diagnosed , whom I am sure suffer with ADD or ADHD. I have exhausted my relm of options. Discipline methods have been implimented. The administration had advised the teachers that no student will be suspended as we did not make AYP the prior year. We were told we would need to handle classroom discipine problems ourselves. I need some advice on how to be strongly effective, not punishing the innocent, but making a meomorable, lasting effect on these unruly second graders. There is much apathy, lying, disregard for authority, and defiance. Some parents “respond”, but do nothing to help change the behavor. One parent came to sit with her child in the classroom Friday, and allowed her daughter to cuddle with her as they talked during my teaching time. I came close to asking her to leave. Sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree! Any and all suggestions are welcomed.
Answer by dr.fill me up with food
burn them with an iron
Add your own answer in the comments!
Why is it that two set of parents can apply the same consequence but yet get very different results? Is it because the child that learns from the consequence is good natured while the other child who becomes resentful is just a bad egg? Does it all depend on the temperament of the child or does the way the parents apply the consequences have any influence over their effectiveness?
I am reminded of mother whose first reaction when her child did something inappropriate was to say with anger and frustration “don’t you dare do that again.” Her next reaction was to threaten by saying, “If you do that again you’re going home.” Needless to say, this child continued the poor behaviors and when the mother finally applied the consequence by abruptly leaving the store, she also threw in a few choice shaming phrases such as, “I can never take you anywhere,” and “Now we have to leave because of you.” Consequently, rather than learning how to behave in the store, this kid instead learned how to get even with mom by getting her frazzled and frustrated in public.
What a sad, yet common situation for many parents. They try their very best to discipline their kids by applying consequences. However, the way some parents apply consequences leaves the kids feeling angry at their parents rather than upset at their own poor decisions.
Love and Logic teaches that when anger, frustration, and threats are involved in applying consequences, the consequences lose their effectiveness. Additionally, here are a few more common ways parents sabotage the consequences they give their kids:
1. Using too many words. When we use too many words when applying consequences we lose our kids attention. A glossy look falls across their faces and they get lost in the message we are trying to send. Using too many words also sends the message that the child isn’t smart enough to figure out why throwing a metal car at his sister’s head is a bad idea.
2. Using sarcasm. Sarcasm tends to be a passive-aggressive way at getting back at someone without being confrontational. Sarcasm is often insincere and demeaning. When we use sarcasm with our kids we teach them to be sarcastic with us and others. Furthermore, when parents are sarcastic it gets in the way of them using empathy which is the foundation of applying consequences effectively.
3. Telling the child what the consequence will be beforehand. Many parents have a hard time with the idea of not telling the child what the consequence will be before applying it. They feel that it isn’t fair for a kid to get a consequence without first knowing what the consequence will be for the misbehavior. Truthfully, some kids can handle knowing what the consequence will be beforehand and it actually deters the misbehavior. But for the majority of clever kids, telling them what the consequence will be beforehand comes across as giving a threat or challenging the child. When these kids know what the consequence will be beforehand for a particular behavior, they commit a slight variation of the forbidden behavior so that they can say, “But you never said I couldn’t do it that way.” We are then stuck between trying to be fair and trying to hold our kids accountable. For example, when Jimmy hears what the consequence will be for hitting his brother, he may do a cost-benefit analysis and decide that the payoff outweighs the negative consequence. He concludes that it would be worth it to go to his room for an hour if it means he gets to hit his brother on the way there.
So if these are the ways to destroy the effectiveness of consequences, how can we apply consequences effectively? Love and Logic teaches the way to apply consequences effectively is to show forth empathy and sadness before applying consequences. A good example of this happened the other night. About ten minutes after I had put my little girl to bed she came out of her room and told me that she was hungry. With a sad and soft voice I said something like, “Oh sweetheart, you didn’t finish your dinner and now you’re hungry. Oh, I hate it when that happens to me. But I’ll tell you what, tomorrow morning we will have a great breakfast for you. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night sweetheart.”
The effectiveness of consequences may be influenced by the temperament of a child, but more influential is the way parents apply the consequences. If parents apply them with empathy and sadness for their child, parents are more likely to get better long-term results than if they use anger, threats, or frustration.
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.
Shiloh Lundahl, LMSW, is a child and family therapist and an independent facilitator of Love and Logic curricula. He currently teaches parenting classes in Mesa, AZ and provides in-home therapy. Shiloh has three children of his own and he manages the parenting website http://www.parentarizona.com. For more information about therapy services visit http://www.shilohlundahl.com.
Question by PuFfy BrOwN RaBiT: Please help; some ideas for my essay??
I have a prompt for my English essay, and I am not a parent so I’m having a lot of trouble getting started can anyone help me? This is the prompt:
“write a 1000 word essay in which you identify and explain what kinds of preparation help people become effective parents,”
this is refering to emotional or moral preparations.
Thanks for your help in advance, i’m really stuck.
Answer by refuse2lose_2006
Just write about what you feel, if you feel like you want to go to sleep, then write about going to sleep, if you feel like you hungry then write about why you are so hungry, it will soon come in time, your paper with be the best paper in the whole class because when you bake cookies for the whole class people will think your cool and then invite you to a party on Friday, but then you would say sorry i cant because i have work and then you would give your pesentation to the class along with your speach on the importance of computer printers in college so you would get an A+ in the class.
What do you think? Answer below!
An introduction by the author to Lesson 6 in the nonprofit “Break the Cycle!” Web site. This self-study Lesson builds on 30 years’ research and the prior five Lessons to offer (a) a definition of “effective parenting,” (b) typical kids’ developmental needs; (c) typical traits, values, and goals of effective parents; (d) how to communicate well with typical kids and teens; and (e) specific suggestions on effective child discipline.. Lesson 6 can be found at sfhelp.org