is the first chapter of my book any good?

Question by Amethyst: is the first chapter of my book any good?
ok, i know that this may seem a little juvenile, but i need some honest criticism so i can push myself to be a better writer. I hope ypu all like it
Chapter 1
Never had Tracy been so angry. This was not fair! Her parents were making her move far, far away. Sure they had moved plenty because of her dad’s work, but why so far away? This will be the sixth time in three years! But why France? This was not right! she didn’t even know French! She didn’t want to eat snails or frog legs! She LIKED America! But NO! They just have to move to France. She just got a wonderful boyfriend and her crazy, dysfunctional family had to ruin EVERYTHING! She was only fifteen! Why are they doing this? They just don’t CARE what she thinks. They say that it will be a good experience, but she doesn’t care. This will completely ruin her entire life!
Tracy was downstairs eating breakfast, wile completely ignoring her parents, brooding over how she will ever live a minuet in France. This was completely hopeless. She had to pack still, and she decided to learn a little French before they left. Hopefully she wouldn’t need an interpreter. Tracy knew her parents were mad with her childish behavior, but she was too angry to help it. She would never fit in with the people there! Why even bother? She sighed over her oat meal.
“I’m just going to go pack now.” Tracy said glumly. She already said bye to her friends, had the house and her room packed in boxes, now all she needed to do was pack her clothes. She was trying her best to drag it out as long as possible. Their flight was in two days though, so she had to pack, no matter how sad and boring it was. Again she sighed as she trudged up the stairs. She looked at her empty suitcases and moaned. So much packing to do! She quickly got to folding and packing and repeating it all over again. She was almost done when she was called down to dinner. She had planned to use the silent treatment on her parents until they arrive in France. She would not even look at them. She hoped she hurt their feelings. She stood up slowly and went downstairs to join the supposedly happy meal. Tracy could at least make her parents as miserable as her. That was a plus.

. . .

Tracy sat down at the table in front of her cheap take-out. No time to cook, plus the stove had been shipped to their new house in France. Tracy nibbled here and there, but she just couldn’t eat with her emotions all screwed up. Tracy kept her eyes on her food, never glancing up at her parents.
“Tracy,” her father (the reason they were moving) spoke in a stern voice, “Tracy, i don’t want you going around acting like this is the end of the world. You need to act your age, because I have some news. But I can only tell you this if you act like a fifteen year old girl and not a five year old.”
Tracy sat up and dared to look at her father. He looked upset, tired, with a small glow of hope. Tracy was genuinely interested. “I’m listening.” Tracy said in her steadiest voice.
“Now Tracy, we have been good to you. You have many things that most girls your age whine and beg for, but you need only to ask from us and we happily give you whatever you want. You may not want this, but we have enrolled you into a high school. It is your turn to be kind to us and just give in, to make us happy.” Tracy’s father glow of hope seemed to brighten a bit, but Tracy would not give in.
Tracy crossed her arms and put a very displeased look on her face (she was getting quit good at this). “I never wanted to move to France, and i most certainly don’t want to attend school there!” She slouched a bit in her chair and looked at the table. She wouldn’t look at them the rest of the night.

Best answer:

Answer by Rachel
It was actually entertaining, I was thinking that it would be juvenile but this would make an excellent young teen, older child book. You used a bit too many exclamation points in the first paragraph and you dont CAPITALIZE EVERY EMOTIONAL WORD. You just leave it alone or italizize it.

I cannot spell that word haha! 🙂

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One thought on “is the first chapter of my book any good?”

  1. It does seem a smidge juvenile, but I appreciate that you recognize that. It would certainly appeal to young adult readers, anyway! And the juvenie aspects of your writing will improve as you age and practice more 🙂
    My suggestions are that you shouldn’t capitalize unnecessarily, because it seems unprofessional.
    One line that bothered me ” her father (the reason they were moving) spoke” Your reader is not going to forget who the father is and why Tracy is mad at him. So far, that has been the only plot point (which is okay, considering we’re only a page or two in) so you don’t need to worry about your reader forgetting. To include such an obvious point in parentheses is distracting.
    Also, I noticed you had some trouble with tense consistency. You start out in past “Never HAD Tracy BEEN so angry. This WAS not fair” but you switch to present during the emotional outburst “Why ARE they doing this?… They SAY that it WILL be a good experience, but she DOESn’t care. This WILL completely ruin her entire life”
    To be consistent, it should read: Why WERE they doing this?… They SAID that it WOULD be a good experience, but she DIDn’t care. This WOULD completely ruin her entire life”

    Other than that, you have a good beginning! I’m confident that as you mature and get a better handle on nitpicky grammar things, your writing will improve very much! Just keep writing!

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