Kids pick on my little girl with cancer its breaks my heart :*(?

Question by Sasha: Kids pick on my little girl with cancer its breaks my heart :*(?
my little girl is 10 years old. Everyone picks on her because she is so small and her wig fell off one day. So friday the kids were throwing her wig around on the playground. She is a beautiful girl and it breaks my heart. she comes home everyday so heartbroken and says she wants friends so bad and said they wouldn’t be her friend because she was bald and that was not pretty. it breaks my heart 🙁 what can i do? The school said next time they picked on her there would be consequences but its not fair my baby girl is being picked on for that. What do i do to cheer her up? I’m so hurt with the fact that my child has to go through cancer and treatment but now getting picked on. It’s not fair.

Best answer:

Answer by mharrop@sbcglobal.net
I think it might be time for a interventional assembly at school and explain to the little a**holes what they are doing is just so wrong.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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15 thoughts on “Kids pick on my little girl with cancer its breaks my heart :*(?”

  1. I am a mother myself. I would call that school and tell them you want something done and you want it done now. i would threaten them with the news…the law…suing and everything else. You little girl is sick she dont need to have this done to her. I went to school with a few people that had cancer and no one ever picked on them. No one would even talk about it. Dont let them blow you off…i would call every childs parents tell them what they are doing to your daughter and demand an apologize and demand respect.and its not fair at all…seriously dont blow this off call that school and tell them how you feel dont let them say “oh we’ll talk to them” tell them your coming down there and you wanna talk to these kids and you wanna see that they are punished instead of hear say.
    if it doesn’t stop i would take her out of school.
    file a law suit for harassment
    i would do anything i could cuz that is B.S

  2. Reading this breaks my heart.

    There is so much cruelty in the world, and it is unfortunate that schools have such a pack mentality. As someone who survived rough school days myself, I can tell you that the only thing you can help your child do, is to survive, and to know that her worth is not measured on a school yard, but in the quality of person she is.

    I had lousy health in my school days, and not being an athletic person, and with my health problems known, I was picked on constantly. The worst was after I had been hospitalized for a bleeding ulcer, and returned to school. Since I was on a restricted diet, and had to have half days on Fridays for blood tests(to check red blood cell counts, for signs of internal bleeding), I stood out, and was a target. I didn’t know at the time how to stand up for myself at all, and didn’t really get any good support. I was actually knocked down by another student one day who then jumped on my stomach…all while a teacher stood by, and did nothing.

    My school days were hell, but I managed to survive, and I think the experience of them helped me in some ways. See, without any affirmation from my peers, I learned the value of myself. I decided that, as I have said many times, the one I needed in my corner fighting for me, was myself. I wasn’t getting any support from elsewhere, so I decided I had a champion of one: me

    Today, I am an amazingly confident person, and definitely know my value. I also am someone who can be a wonderful friend, and a very compassionate person. The best you can do is to help your child take things one day at a time. She will find friends, and the ones she finds will be true ones. You can help her find the best friend of all, though, by helping her love the person in the mirror. She is a person who will grow into an amazing individual, and will be someone it will be an honour to have as a friend.

    Love your daughter, and tell her that the reason she is different, is because her life is chosen to be a special one. She will be a person who will make a remarkable difference in the lives of others. I know this to be true, just as I know her troubles will pass. She will be a better person for them, and will have more friends than she can imagine.

    Believe me, there will be a line stretched around the world of people wanting to be your daughter’s friend.

    Much love to you, and to your daughter.

    ~ Jack

  3. Find the one child the others will follow and get that kid to be your daughter’s protector. I’m sorry your daughter is going through her illness. She needs support from her classmates, not ridicule.

  4. Whenever things like that happened at my school, our teachers would have a talk with us with the child out of the room.

    For example, when my friend’s father died, while she was off school the teacher explained why we wouldn’t be having fathers day any more, and to be sensitive to her feelings, and not mention their fathers in case it reminded her.

    Most children can be surprisingly caring, they just have to be told nicely that what they’re doing is wrong. There will be the odd few who haven’t been brought up well and just won’t get it, and the school should talk to their parents.

    I suggest you talk to the head teacher of the school and tell him or her to arrange an assembly, while your daughter isn’t present. I’m sure at first he won’t listen, but it’s a very serious thing so you should push him on it.

    After that, you could try having a party for her at home and invite some of the girls in her class. I bet most of the parents of the other children would be appalled if they knew what their kids were doing, and would be happy to help them make friends.

  5. my cousin was the same way and i know its a very heart breaking thing especially for a girl her age. i know this might not be very helpful but it helped my cousin.find a website like for saint judes or another cancer hospital for kids or find someones kid who has had cancer they could email each other and if they live close enough or even go to the same school maybe they could hang out and trust me if you go to saint judes for her treatment you and her will meet wonderful people there not only are the doctors very welcoming but the kids are so comforting because they relate to the same thing and a lot of them become best friends and try to explain to her that she really is beautiful and that the other kids are just not used to this ad not to listen to them.

    I wish both of you luck and i hope she gets better real soon.

  6. “NEXT time, there will be consequences”????

    There should be consequences NOW!!!!!!!!!

    Your child’s school is NOT doing enough!

    Those bullies should be punished, and efforts should be made to educate those children on people’s differences (such as being sick with cancer), and how strong people with illnesses such as this are.

    I know children rarely care much for good character, but maybe if they knew more about the issue they would be less hasty to judge your girl on her appearance.

    This situation disgusts me! I thought there was no tolerance for bullying these days, I thought the school system had evolved to punish and eliminate this behavior, rather than encourage it with idle threats and no action!!!! Obviously I was wrong.

  7. What in the name of potatoes are some parents teaching their young ones about the treatment of others at home. I am soooooo sorry she is going through this. Some of these parents need a talking to they are lucky they do not live or do ignorant things like this around me. I think you should maybe take her to build a bear or whatever her favorite hobby is. Take her out so she can distract herself from this incident. Next time there will be consequences, ha there are consequences of their actions now. I think you should go to the board of ed in your county seriously and lodge a complaint this is unacceptable in so many ways.

  8. I’m wondering why her oncologist is allowing her to attend public school while undergoing chemo treatments; while all chemo does a number to the immune system, harsher treatments cause harsher damage. Treatment harsh enough to cause baldness usually lands in this category. Unless he/she has already reassured you that this wouldn’t be an issue, I beg you to bring this up. While you’re there, getting a doctor’s note which confirms your daughter’s medical condition would be in order… and you may also wish to consult with an attorney on possible legal action against the school should this situation be allowed (by the school board) to continue. There are numerous attorneys who provide the initial consultation for free; call around.

    In the meantime, kudos to you for taking this to the school itself. I know of a lot of “parents” (the quotations are there for a reason) who would just ignore it–as if it’ll go away all on its own. So long as they take their jobs serriously, a great deal can now be done about this.

    While chemotherapy is increasingly proving itself to be effective against many types of cancer, it’s unfortunate that there’s no cure for ignorance. Children have such an Alpha impulse all on their own, it’s a shame that their own lack of knowledge–as well as a desire to fit in with their group–strips them of their compassion.

    Has your daughter mentioned any schoolmates who have shown genuine curriousity toward her condition? Is she the type who can give them straight-forward answers? While her instinct right now is most likely to want to hide, being approachable might actually be the better attitude.

    To hecklers, it’s best not to attack back. Replying to cruelty with kindness works well, believe it or not. For example, your daughter can say things like, “I hope you never have to feel what I’m going through. If you’re lucky, you won’t.” Or even, “I’m just doing what I have to do to get better.” Maybe even, “A few years ago, I thought just like you do. Now I hope you’ll never have to understand what it’s really like.” Remarks like these remind the attacker to identify with their target as a human being. I’m not saying it’s a cure-all… but if she can ignite that spark in at least a few within earshot, she might wind up forming a support group. So many kids just go with the crowd even if they think the leader is wrong… what if at least one of them finally said, “This isn’t cool at all. Let’s leave her alone?”

    A group of any type of people is a lot like a brick wall: Face the wall itself, and you’ll find it indestructable. Go at it brick by brick, and you’ll knock it down.

  9. That is rough and I don’t have any experience with which to share. All I can think to tell her is that they just don’t understand and kids tend to make fun of things they don’t understand. Reassure her that this shall pass and she will soon grow her hair long and beautiful again and that she wouldn’t want friends like that anyway. I am so sorry, I wish I could say the right thing to you, I just don’t know.
    I am however right in line with the people who mentioned an assembly, kids are not fair at that age and most likely have no idea of the danger she faced. It is sad to know that is her reality.
    With regard to the assembly, I would have to give more thought about “the theme”. I am not familiar with what is considered appropriate subject manner in elementary schools these days, for instance consider having one during cancer awareness week. Call an assembly, possibly with a doctor as the speaker, teaching about how it can affect anyone even young children and also make the point of how brave and positive one must be during treatment and how lucky the school is to have such a brave survivor in their school, highlighting your daughter of course. More kids would then recognize her as having been “sick” and is surviving with her life and wont tolerate others “picking” on her. She should, theoretically, have more kids saying hi to her than ever befor and more friends too. Come to think of it, why wait for cancer awareness week, just do it now. Your daughters story could be included in many “themes” I suppose, like bravery or how strong the human body is. Find out what assemblies are scheduled for the rest of the year with the principle and take it from there. Emplore him or her to brainstorm with you to address this situation.
    This is just off the top of my head. I do hope you can find the help your looking for. My heart goes out to her and your family.

  10. Dang it.
    I went through the same thing in school because I have bad back problems so I walk funny. Schools are are way to lax on bullies because they don’t want to deal with it, and so the little trolls get away with nearly anything.
    You need to make sure the offenders are punished. I ended up in the hospital a couple of times because of bullies getting out of hand, and I do not want that happening to any other child.
    On a finishing note, The first school I went to had a program called Everybody Counts. It dealt with people with differences and how they have to live their lives. Maybe you could get something like that brought to school.
    Many hugs to your daughter, and some to you too.

    I found It. They have a web page now.
    http://www.everybodycounts.net/index.html

    P.S. My mom taught me that having a bit of an attitude can help. If someone says she’s a sickie, she can say “Well, I’m getting better everyday, what’s your exuse?”

    P.P.S. Take her out someplace, just you and her. Make it special. Maybe movies and dinner to a place you wouldn’t normally take her. Don’t pay attention to the staring people. They have no manners, and should be ignored.

  11. This is despicable, there’s no other word for it, but you’ve got to remember that these are kids we’re dealing with. They pick on anyone who is different.

    Reassure your daughter that ‘pretty’ comes in many shapes and forms, and that it is not restricted to physical looks. Tell her that no matter what, she’ll always be pretty inside, but tell her in a really silly way so she laughs, that’ll cheer her up a bit. (i.e: Say that even if she grows a bajillion orange tentacles out of her nose and her fingers turn to bananas she’ll always have that inner gorgeousness that’ll never disappear)

    I work with cancer patients as my job. Make sure you listen to her and her fears. You know what’s going through your mind, her mind is probably worse.

  12. I totally agree with blue chaos – you should bring something like the “everybody counts” program to your school. I would not let the school sit back and say “next time there will be consequences” – that’s rediculous. There is absolutely no reason for this much to have been allowed without consequences. You can’t help what some kids are going to say, and they tend to pick on others whose differences they don’t understand – but you should insist to the school board that something like students throwing around your daughter’s wig warrants punishment – they had no right to mess with any of her personal belongings. It should be treated just as (at the least) stealing from another student, or even, considering the circumstances, as an assault on another student.

    People with differences are people too and deserve to be treated fairly – this is part of the education process that our schools should place more focus on, but totally don’t. And sadly – many parents don’t think to teach their kids how to behave socially either, especially when it comes to being among people who are different – someone in a wheelchair, or a deaf or blind person, or someone who has lost their hair due to chemotherapy treatments for cancer. Most kids simply don’t know about it, and therefore don’t understand it – and it’s human nature to fear what we don’t understand, and so their defense mechanisms kick in and they pick on the child who has differences that they don’t understand.

    Education is key here, and your daughter’s classmates need some. Perhaps while you (and hopefully other family members and some of your friends help you with this) work to get some sort of program going in your school, you could suggest that some handouts go home to the parents of the school’s students – something like this. A subtle hint to the other parents, and hopefully many of them would have a good talk with their children.
    http://www.back2class.com/parents/classmate.asp

    As far as cheering her up – keep working to instill in your daughter that who she is as a person is what makes her beautiful – not what she looks like. Keep supporting her as you are. But perhaps doing some kind of “girl stuff” together to lift the spirits may be in order too – like go shopping and each of you help pick out a nice new outfit for the other, or have facials done together, or a manicure & pedicure, or something like that that makes one feel a little pampered. Sounds like you could both use it.

    Blessings to you both. I wish you all the best.

  13. I’m sorry but there shouldn’t *be* a next time. The school needs to deal with this NOW.

    Schools should have a no tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. While I don’t think there are any easy answers to this problem, you should at least be getting some satisfaction from your principal besides “next time”. The children need to be taught what it means to have an affliction and how brave your daughter is for going through what she has to to get better. Does your cancer treatment clinic have any videos that can be shown at the school? Anyone there willing to come and speak at a school assembly?

    To cheer her up, why not go out with her and let her pick out some really nice hair colour / accessories / hats / fun things for when her hair grows back?

    I hope she gets better soon. Stuff like this makes my blood boil. Please hug your daughter for me and let her know that me and everyone here wishes her all the very best.

    XXOO

  14. That is really not fair at all and those kids should be ashamed. And their parents should be more ashamed. They should teach their children about her illness. They would not be very pleased if it occured to them or their children. They should respect her.
    Try to cheer her up, take her to parks, have her play activities, teach her not to care what others say or think. Give her confidence.

    Poor baby, my heart goes out to her

    I wish you the best of luck ^_^

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