This article simply expresses my own thoughts and ideas on parent child relationships. It is certainly an intelligent dissertation based on my own education and experience. I would not however use my beliefs to counter anyone elses beliefs. Relationships are not exact and cant be approached with formulas which might work for mathematical equations and scientific experiments. Relationships are personal and there are too many variables involved for me to attempt to dictate what yours should be. Lets keep those thoughts in mind as we go forward.
The parent child relationship of different types of parents varies based on established social mores. Korean parents will not have the same relationship as urban Americans regardless of their race. Parents who lived four or five centuries ago certainly didnt have the same type of relationship with their children as parents today. The idea of what is normal is established by the mores of the society that the families exist in.
I feel that the most important aspect of the parent child relationship is that the child should trust the parent implicitly. The child may not like every decision that the parent makes but he or she needs to know that all decisions are made with their well being in mind. The parent should play additional roles as the childs mentor, disciplinarian, and guide. Discipline is essential because the child needs to know that there are bounds which cant be crossed in life. In other words it is imperative that the child learns in its formative years that it cant do whatever it wants to do. The parent however must recognize that the child needs room to explore and learn. Too many times we hinder the development of our children by being too strict as disciplinarians.
The child must learn at an early age to trust the parent as a mentor and guide. Confidence must be established. The child can only learn these things by observation. Many times parents think that their job is to give orders or administer commands and to expect blind obedience. The parent must set the established standard by setting the example for the child to follow. The parent who tells the child to go clean his or her room must use their own room as the standard. Anything less only confuses the child. Children will quickly learn to evaluate the words that the parent speaks. Children learn whether to use parents or grandparents to get what they want. They learn which behaviors will elicit the response that they want. We as parents must learn to be careful in our relationship with our children. We must learn to be loving but objective at the same time. We must objectively evaluate our own behaviors as well as those of our children and adjust them as required.
The most difficult parental role is that of the step parent. The natural spouse can make the step parent effective in their relationship with the child or children or they can totally sabotage the relationship based on the amount of support that they give. The mother who has been with her children as a single parent for a long period of time must be very careful not to undermine the step dad in his establishment of authority in the household, especially if the children are male and older.
Many say that the parent must also be a friend and I agree, however the parent must be a parent and disciplinarian first of all. The parents with whom the child resides must be the bigger disciplinarians because they child will get the majority of their socialization and ideals about life from what they observe at home. The Good Life