Q&A: Should I tell the mother of 14- year-old that she is sexually active?

Question by Wondering: Should I tell the mother of 14- year-old that she is sexually active?
I have recently become the caregiver/guardian to a 16-year-old boy. He regularly comes to me for advice and confides in me. So . . . I know that he has been sexually active.

We have spoken about safe sex numerous times, but he just confided in me that “the condom broke” during intercourse. and he and his 14-year-old girlfriend are nervous she may be pregnant. He is very stressed about the situation–as he should be.

My dilemma is whether or not I should tell the girlfriend’s parents she is sexually active. I do not know the mother personally. I am also faced with a language barrier–the mother does not speak English.

Is it my responsibility to tell the mother? Will my teenage boy recoil and stop trusting me as a result and see it as a violation of trust? I am sure there would be some emotional backlash.

This is the first time I have taken on the “parent” role. I just want to make sure I am doing the right thing. I do not want to enable irresponsible or unsafe behavior in ANY child. I wish he were not sexually active at all–but know this is not realistic. Ahhhh . . . I am so confused.

I am open and in need of all opinions. Please advise.

Best answer:

Answer by tinkerbell mom of 1
he may never trust you again if you tell, but i would just sit him down and ask him what he was looking for when he told you if he was looking for an answer then give him yours that now you are stuck with the problem of knowing this about the girl and feeling like the mom needs to know… just talk to him first see how he feels you don’t want to break his trust in you because if he told you that then he trusts you allot…. maybe just wait a while until she misses or gets her period to see how sever the situation is.. then if she is then maybe he would want you to tell the mother so he dose not have to…. as fair as the language barrier i don’t know about that…. good luck

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4 thoughts on “Q&A: Should I tell the mother of 14- year-old that she is sexually active?”

  1. unless shes actually pregnant then no, he won’t trust you anymore and the mother could get annoyed that you know and she doesnt, plus the language barrier
    but i would stress that you tell the boy that whats he’s doing is illegal and if the mother does find out he faces gettin out on a sex offenders register

  2. No, it’s not your place, he came to you trusting you — not expecting you to tell his parents.

    when the time comes, it shall be revealed

  3. No. I realise that they are young but you have equipped him with information about safe sex. I know she is under age but if you tell her mother neither your boy or his girl will trust you in the same way again about this type of thing. She should tell her own mother if she is ok with her mother knowing. I’m sure her mother would prefer her own daughter to tell her. Suggest she take the morning after pill? It sounds like you are being very supportive to this boy well done, good luck.

  4. I think you should talk to the girlfriend or have him talk to his girlfriend, or even better both of them at the same time. Try to convince her to talk to her parents about it, but if you tell her parents, it may be the best in the long run, but whether she is pregnant or not, the boy probably won’t ever trust you the same way again. Like I said, the best thing to do is convince them to do something about it- the way i see it (and i’m a teenager myself) if you’re going to have sex, it’s your choice, but you have to be ready to deal with the consequences. It is good that they were using protection, but at the same time, the only hundred percent safe way, as i’m sure they know now, is abstinence.

    Good luck to all three of you

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